


capture your heart

by fiveyaaas



Series: open your heart [9]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Attempted Seduction, Awkward Blow Jobs, Awkward Dates, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkward Tension, Comedy of Errors, Crack Treated Seriously, Cunnilingus, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Exhibitionism, F/M, Fluff without Plot, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Marriage Proposal, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Pseudo-Incest, Seduction, Semi-Public Sex, Tragically Pining Idiots, also yes some of the roasting of five within this fic is self-indulgent, but i have a 35 chapter robot soulmate au so what the fuck did you expect from me, i almost deleted this like eight times, idk what the fuck happened here, the tragedy isn’t even on their part, they have ruined other people’s lives by being idiots this time, this was supposed to start as an angst fic at one point, which like mood but STILL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:01:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: “win/steal/capture one’s heart: to cause another person to feel love for one”
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: open your heart [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138898
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	capture your heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maddiemiran](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiemiran/gifts).



It wasn’t hard to fall in love with him, not that it had ever been hard for her to fall in love with anyone. She wasn’t sure if they were together, though, what exactly they were, and she  _ knew  _ that if she asked, it would be breaking some sort of unspoken rule between them. Or, even worse, she’d ask him if they were in a relationship, and he’d say something like, ‘What are you talking about?’ Ever since he’d managed to receive the right body, she’d wondered more and more each day _when_ they would actively address it. Oftentimes, she would catch him start to open his mouth before he’d abruptly close it, giving her a weary, tired looking smile. 

So, she hadn’t broken that unspoken rule. 

Still, she  _ really  _ wanted to know, and she did the only thing she could possibly imagine would confirm anything for her. 

(To clarify, Vanya had never been good with expressing how she felt. She blamed the fact that she was raised in a cult.)

“I have a date, on Valentine’s day, so I’ll probably not get home late,” she announced, and Five choked on his coffee. “I mean, assuming I go home that night at all.”

“What now?” Five asked once he was not coughing any longer, setting his cup down with a scowl. “You’re going on a  _ date?” _

“Yeah, I’ve decided that I want to start dating again. It just feels like the right time.”

“The right time,” he repeated, like he was tasting the words on his tongue and was allergic to them. “You just started excelling your training, though.”

“Precisely, I think that with my powers under control, sex won’t be an issue any longer!”

Through gritted teeth, he asked, “Right, okay. That makes sense.”

“Yeah, so don’t be worried if I don’t come home that night.”

“Right, sounds great.”

She raised her brows. He was clearly upset, so she knew that he  _ wanted  _ to say something. Why was he not saying anything? Five had ranted for nearly eight weeks straight when he’d caught her yoga teacher bending her over to help her with her downward dog’s position. And her yoga teacher was  _ Klaus.  _ And Diego, his  _ husband,  _ was watching them the entire time. And Klaus told her while she was bent over, while Five was  _ well _ within earshot, ‘Gotta tighten up that ass for when Five finally makes a move, Sev!’

Was Five, then…perhaps...  _ aware _ of what she was doing?

Oh, son of a bitch. She was going to have to actually go on a date with someone now. 

At that realization, she realized that Five probably knew the same thing, probably knew that she wouldn’t be able to find anybody in time. 

Well, screw him. She could find somebody to go on a date with, easily, and then he’d feel like a real idiot. 

“I’ll tell you how it goes!” Yeah, who was the loser now?

* * *

She’d made a mistake, in the person she’d gone out with. Truly, Vanya had no idea why the man had been sporting a crush on her for years, but he was a cellist that she’d always talk to before rehearsals, who she’d turned down recently, thinking that she and Five would soon be getting together after receiving his (absurdly attractive) adult body. The cellist, Mark, was attractive in a way that she’d imagine Allison would more likely go for, with sandy brown hair, piercing blue eyes, and a muscular build. He was a bit of a dork, though, so she guessed that she could understand how nobody was already dating him, based on the fact that anybody she’d ever seen throw themselves at him were always people who didn’t have common interests. 

“Are you just asking me out because you don’t want to be single on Valentine’s Day?” Mark had asked her as he set his rock stop in his case. She had heard his heart pounding, wondering how this man still had a crush on her. Whatever. He would serve her purpose well, which was to make Five realize that he’d been wrong to doubt her. 

As she started picking at her meal that Valentine’s Day, though, seeing the dopey expression he gave as she put very little effort to their conversation, consisting of small talk about the weather, she regretted the person she’d chosen for the sole purpose of making Five jealous. “I was so surprised you asked me out, actually! Did you break up with the person you’d mentioned before?”

She heard a disbelieving gasp, eerily familiar, and, in horror, she realized that Five was sitting at the table behind her date, watching the man’s every movement. “We were  _ never  _ together,” Vanya chirped. “He was a  _ huge  _ mistake. Plus, he got jealous of my married yoga instructor, who is, by the way, my  _ brother.” _

Five rolled his eyes, sipping champagne. She was 90% sure that he’d stolen it from somebody else’s table, given the fact that there was an engagement ring inside of the champagne flute. 

_Or,_ if it wasn’t stolen, she was in for a very long night, and Five was about to profess his love for her _and_ propose  to her in front of one of her colleagues, probably taking the time to point out the man she’d made a huge mistake about was _ also  _ her brother. The only time any of them ever tried to call each other that title was to piss one another off, and Five proposing marriage to her in front of some guy she was on a date with would  _ certainly _ entail pissing her off. 

“Oh, that’s…  _ well _ ... he sounds like a jerk, Vanya. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, he’s a  _ huge  _ jerk. He possibly murdered a man with a stapler when he was, like, twelve or something.”

“How is he not in prison?” the man gasped. 

“Oh, that’s the worst part. Get this, he was raised in this cult, spending time with a  _ billionaire.  _ Bleh. Anyways, I’m pretty sure he once fucked a mannequin, too, probably because he’s so much of a  _ loser  _ that nobody else would fuck him.”

Five cleared his throat, gesturing for her to go with him to the bathrooms near the back of the restaurant. 

“He also has  _ awful  _ hair. I’m pretty sure the amount of hair gel he uses in one week is more than every single member of a boy band from 1992 to 1997,  _ combined.” _

Mark glanced around. “Is he here or something?”

“Ha! As if he would show up in a place like this! I’m pretty sure that he would be a hermit if it weren't for his douchey superpower.”

“His  _ what  _ now?”

Five gave her another significant look, gesturing again. Mark was staring at her like she’d lost her mind, so she told him she had to powder her nose, glowering at Five before stomping to the bathroom. When she reached the bathroom, Five was already there, apparently thinking that was a necessary use of teleportation. 

“What are you even  _ doing  _ here?” Vanya snapped. 

He raised his brows. “Having a lovely dinner, what are—”

“You’re ruining my date with Mike.” 

“And obviously, your date is not important to you at all, V. His name is Mark. That is, at least, what his name is set as in the DMV, but, if you assume him to have a false identity… Well, suffice to say, that would be pretty shady and, as your  _ brother,  _ I would, of course, be obligated to break you up.” 

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Are you trying to imply that you’d break us up because you were being a protective older brother?”

“Precisely.”

“Usually, protective older brothers aren’t trying to steal away their sisters from their boyfriends in order to fuck their sisters themselves.” Vanya glanced in the direction of Mark, who she could hear calling his mom and telling her that the date was going really well. Good lord.  _ “Plus,  _ we’re not really siblings, anyways. Even if we were, do you really think  _ that  _ guy would be a threat?”

“Hey, first of all, if one were incapable of understanding that we were raised in a cult together and not raised as a family, then they’d for sure call us siblings. Second of all, how do we  _ know _ that this man isn’t acting like a good person only so he can go off and murder you? Third of all, don’t act like you don’t  _ also  _ want to fuck me. We both know  _ that’s _ not true.”

“He wouldn’t be able to murder me,” Vanya protested, not addressing the accusation that she wanted to fuck Five. “I would blow his ass to smithereens.”

“Vanya, if a man is trying to  _ murder  _ you, blowing him wouldn’t do  _ anything.” _

“You clearly knew that’s not what I meant.”

“Why are you going on a date with that asshole, Vanya?” he hissed. “Why would you think I would be okay with that?”

“Hmm, maybe it’s just that whether or not you’re  _ okay _ with my choice of partner, I can do what I want.”

“But you  _ don’t  _ want that guy! You’re just trying to piss me off!”

She couldn’t exactly argue with that. “Be that as it may, you  _ never  _ did anything to suggest you actually wanted me.”

_ “What?”  _ He looked like he was seconds away from frothing at the mouth. “I was trying to let you wait for anything physical until you were comfortable!” 

Vanya frowned at him. “You were  _ not.”  _

“Yes, I was. You had all the shit that happened with Leonard, and I didn’t want you to feel like I was pressuring you.”

The past few months that he’d spent with her started coming back to her, and, with him saying that, she actually found herself believing him. “Wait, but why did you not say anything, though?”

“How… Vanya, we literally had a conversation last month about what we wanted—”

“Oh my god.” What he was implying—

“Are you trying to tell me that we were  _ already _ together?”

Five sighed, loudly. “I thought you  _ knew _ that until you told me you had a date, and I realized you were trying to get me jealous. Which made it very clear to me that I was being an idiot in assuming we were already together.”

“I thought…” Oh, God, was that why he hadn’t seemed that upset when she tried to drunkenly kiss him three weeks ago? He’d seemed  _ more  _ confused while she was crying and telling him sorry the next morning. 

“Wait, did you think that I was just trying to tell you that I was going on a date with some random guy while we were together?”

“I mean, yeah, that’s what alerted me to the fact that you weren’t aware. What confused me even more was when you mentioned the guy was in your orchestra, considering the fact that you introduced me to him at that work party you had, and you introduced me as your  _ date.” _

“Well, yeah, but I just didn’t want to get into the whole ‘we were in a superhero, doomsday cult’ thing.” She realized something. “Oh, no, what do I tell Mark? He’ll be devastated. He just told his mom that he thinks that I am  _ the one.  _ Are you going to be upset if I stay for the rest of the night? I  _ really _ don’t want to make him cry… What is that look?” 

“I have an idea.”

“Oh, no.”

* * *

Mark was clearly unaware what was going on underneath their table, and Vanya probably should have felt more guilty about it than she was. However, with how long she’d waited for Five to give indication of what he wanted, not realizing he very much already had, she couldn’t bring herself to care that he was going down on her under the table, while she continued the stilted, uncomfortable small talk. 

“So,” Mark told her, and she scooted closer in her chair, grinding against Five’s face. “I know that this is very soon, and that we’ve just recently—”

Vanya opened her mouth to tell him to  _ not  _ say what she was certain he was about to say, but then a waiter was walking by, holding two champagne glasses. 

The ring from the drink Five had stolen was inside one of them, and she nearly gasped out loud.

Based on the sheepish way that the waiter was avoiding their gaze, she was pretty sure the man had lost the ring for a bit and dug it out of the glass while she and Five had been talking in their bathroom. 

Five, apparently realizing that she was upset, peeked his head out, raising his eyebrows at her in a confusion, his chin slick. 

This was, unfortunately, when Mark knelt down in front of her. Based on how wet his hands were, he’d just pulled the ring out of his glass, perhaps realizing that putting a ring in a champagne flute was a  _ horrible _ way to propose to someone. 

Just as he started to say the words, he caught sight of Five.

* * *

“We will tell  _ nobody  _ about this,” Vanya said, adjusting the heat in Five’s car. 

The waiter had been kind enough to box up the meals, and, based on the fact that Mark left early, they had  _ two _ to pass between them. After what had just transpired, she wasn’t quite in the mood for  _ anything,  _ but she’d made it clear that when the mortification wore off, she would be. 

Five passed the pasta back to her. “I can assure you that I had no intentions of telling anybody about this.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to show up to work on Monday,” she said, tipping her head back. 

“Hey, at least  _ you _ weren’t the one to try to propose on a first date. That is  _ much  _ more embarrassing.”

She couldn’t help it; she laughed. His eyes softened, and he smiled at her. “At least I can now say that not realizing you thought we were in a relationship wasn’t the most shameful thing to ever happen to my love life,” she mused.

“I would like to think I’m the  _ least  _ shameful part of your love life,” Five said, opening the cake container. “Also, your fiance had a back up ring in this cake.”

_ “No.”  _ She groaned when she saw the very unsubtle lump in the layering.

“You couldn’t tell that dude ‘no,’ to his proposal for eight minutes, but you can say it now to make fun of him? For shame, Vanya.” He handed her a spoon, setting the cake on his center console, picking out the spare ring with a grimace. 

“In my defense, I said, ‘Can we talk about this somewhere else?’”

“He got you two rings, V. He said that you were  _ the one  _ to his mom. You completely broke Mike’s heart.”

“Mark.”

“You weren’t so sure of that earlier tonight.”

“How am I going to ever look him in the eyes after this?”

“Eh, the man will probably quit your orchestra, anyways. He just got rejected by the love of his  _ life.” _

“Shut up.”

“His mom is going to be so upset, Seven. You crushed his heart. She was so certain that you’d be different than all the other girls to break poor, sweet Matty’s heart.”

“Well, now it’s clear that you’re just saying his name wrong on purpose.”

“Listen, I’m sympathetic to Max, I really am, but what did he expect when he proposed to someone on the first date?”

“He caught you eating me out under a table.”

“You’re right, I  _ shouldn’t  _ be sympathetic. He ruined  _ my _ good time.”

* * *

On the night that Five proposed to her, refusing to tell any of the siblings later that night why he chose to rent out that particular restaurant or why they weren’t allowed to join them, they didn’t have the same, long tablecloths any longer. Which was unfortunate for the waiter who brought dessert at the worst possible moment. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!💕


End file.
